Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wish there were birth control emojis
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
