she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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