Sponge bath it is.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
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