I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
