I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize