i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like a drive thru vagina
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
