I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
