U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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