Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize