We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
