oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
