i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
