11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
