Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just google imaged poop.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
