I'm pants shitting drunk right now
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
