3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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