Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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