My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
