I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
