Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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