I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
