I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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