No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize