And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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