YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
