she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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