new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
