At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
