I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
