I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
