I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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