I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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