Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
