I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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