I'm really into asian looking animals
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sext me about skeletons
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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