Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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