i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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