i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
