Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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