Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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