drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
