just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
