Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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