All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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