Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
