I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
