There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
