im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
