I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
