Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
