You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
