OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
