I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
