Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This baby is an asshole
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
