she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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