Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I supernannyed him into submission
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
