Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
