I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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