I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
