don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
