If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
