Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
