when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
