I wish my penis had an off switch
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
