I just pynch a tree in the face
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
