I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Enjoy the penises
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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