yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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