I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
