Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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