At least make sure they are 18
Why
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Someone signed my nipple.
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