i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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