If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
