i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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