I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
