the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
