a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize