he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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